Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
