I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize