Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize