READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
