I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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