i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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