There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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