hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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