so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
