My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
