His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
