Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
