dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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