I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
