this beer tastes like vomit already
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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