i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
