I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
