There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
