Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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