I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
