you guys were way drunker than both of me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
