i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
