So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
