it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Still dying that you shit outside
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
