I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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