I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
