Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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