I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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