i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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