i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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