I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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