3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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