$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
