Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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