The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
