for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
