I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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