Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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