I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
