I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
