I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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