a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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