i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
