Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I bet he comes in French.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
