I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
