Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
