I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
