I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
