90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
