so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
