Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
