So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
