It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
