my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
