it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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