You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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