careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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