Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
