I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
