i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
