I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
