I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sober January is a disaster.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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