Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
